what's been going on

Okay, so. This week has been a little boring. I haven't had anything interesting to post on here so I doubt I will be posting often because no one really reads these and I don't have much to write about.

Anyway, I have decided that I do not have a crush. I think. It's really complicated. Basically I have this friend Owen  (yes, it is a weird spelling) and he's really sweet. I don't like like him but I want to be closer friends. We have really good little moments together and I just want to hang out with him more often. But the modern day society doesn't accept boy girl friendships. For some stupid reason!

Okay, so far the only thing eventful that has happened this week is my lack of sleep. I just can't and when I do sleep I have vivid night mares. They can be so bad that I sit up to get out of them. I have also experienced sleep paralysis. The state between being asleep and being awake when the brain has woken up the mind but not the full body. So, when I wake up I have an absolutely terrifying experience where I cannot move anything but my eyes for approximately 15 seconds. I can't even scream for help.

This is an awful experience I have had that I don't feel like I can tell my mum. It's as if she doesn't care about little things that can happen to people. She would just assume that I was attention seeking. I hate the way she makes me feel sometimes. It's as if she is frowning upon me because I'm not living up to her expectations. But I hate her expectations, she's the kind of person who objects stupid things like selfies. Even if I got a boyfriend she would just think it was stupid and childish.

Everyone seems to think I am childish, the way they treat me. My step sister is always acting all mature when actually she's an attention seeking slut. Maybe even the wort role model ever.

Ugh, sorry for taking my anger out on you guys but I just can't take it anymore. I'm not usually the type of person to talk out my feelings with others or open up. I don't make things up for attention. I don't just have a blog to be self indulgent. This is for me to get my feelings out. I couldn't give a crap about the page views, although it would be a little bit cool to see how far it goes. But anyway, this blog is for me to get my feelings out and say the things I wouldn't ever say to people. The things that I should be comfortable saying to people. Like the fact that  have trust issues. Issues that have manifested so that I can't even tell my friends if I have a crush. Which I don't! I don't think.

Anyway, Thank you for letting me waist my time. feel free to comment! (I know you won't)
Read my other blogs if you haven't already and I hope you enjoy getting to know about me. And btw if my life is too boring please tell me and I will try to spice it up a bit but like I said this is mostly about me unwinding and saying what I want to say.

From Paige Riley :)

just a bit about me

Well, 3 page views is a start right? so today is the first day of the holiday and I currently can't get out of bed. I had a workout session 2 days ago and its just kicked in. Every time I cough it's like someone is stabbing me!!!!!!

Ooh mother dearest just said there's coffee cake!

okay so as I said in my first blog, I'm pretty crap at this so here goes-

So, these are just some facts about me

1. I love coffee cake
2. I hate coffee
3. I am currently single
4. I can be very sarcastic
5. I'm very pessimistic- not being sarcastic either!

and that's all that seems relevant, so you know I'm not going to be rainbows and unicorns all the time. So, I'll try to update as soon as possible.

See ya -Paige Riley

Okay here goes..... I'm not the kind of person to open up really easily so I don't expect anyone to WANT to read this but it's something I would maybe find helpful and I like to get things off of my chest. I may be a bit stupid for deciding the thing I want to share is about something silly but in all honesty its the silly things that no one expects me to be worried over.

To my friends I seem like I am tough and strong. But the reality of it is that I am every bit as weak as a thin slice of cheese. Yes, I made that reference. With all the stuff going on in my life no one expects me to get worried over my appearance or fitness or any of the things I actually worry about the most.

I feel like I am slowly deteriorating and I HATE that feeling. My fitness has dropped and a heart problem I had as a child may have come back. I feel stupid for thinking it but what if it is fatal? these aren't the sort of things I can discuss with my mum. We don't have a very open relationship, I don't even tell her when I'm on my period unless I need her to buy me stuff. But enough about depressed fatalities of my boring life. If you got this far, congratulations have a medal.

Soooo, on a slightly happier note I have a little secret...... I think..... (just to explain I am the most socially awkward psychotic -not very pretty- unfavorable grumpy teenage girl who is stuck in the life of her fandoms) basically I have no experience, and haven't had a boy friend yet. But, I'm working on it. There's this boy I like, he is really sweet and we could sit and talk for hours. Good things about the possible "us" I have noticed so far are that:

1. He approaches me to talk to - he thinks I am worthy of talking too?!?!

2. He notices the small things about me -my handwriting, my "enthusiasm" and more

3. He laughs at my jokes

4. He smiles at my imperfections- If I hiccup or yawn because I hiccup and yawn all weird and high pitch

But it is hard to decide weather or not I would consider us to be "us" anytime soon, or even at all.
Well, if anyone actually reads this then I might continue writing, and if it is boring then I will shorten it maybe to just the fun highlights and NOT about the thin slices of cheese.

So thank you for tolerating me - Paige Riley.